Our current listing
- Kyle (September 16, 2006 11:17:42 pm)
- This is so funny! I love it! I like both the movies but this is still great material. Its all true!
- Oompa (September 9, 2006 4:39:06 pm)
- Those messages illustrate the problem exactly. People want to glorify Grandpa Joe so they overlook the negative aspects of his life. When you point it out, you are villified yourself.
- Linn (September 8, 2006 11:20:06 pm)
- ok. um. I think you're completely and totally insane. And you have way too much time on your hands. Seriously. Who looks this far into childrens books. My opinion: if you have to do THAT much research to figure this out, then um hi. it's not stinking true. Get a new hobby. Although this was rather entertaining and made me laugh for quite a while, it's pathetic. I actually feel sorry for you.
- Anonymous (August 28, 2006 7:05:15 am)
- Ur a sick bastard. Grandpa Joe was a loving old man. You're the pervert for making this ridiculous site.
- Dean (August 26, 2006 12:32:24 pm)
- YOU SAD BASTARDS. GET A LIFE.
- Emma Jenny Taylor (June 11, 2006 1:07:43 pm)
- This site is great
- katie (May 9, 2006 10:27:09 pm)
- hahah this is the freaking funniest thing i've read all day.
thank youuuu!
- Conspiracy Theorist (February 3, 2006 3:25:07 pm)
- I applaud your bold stand against this evil evil man! An important aspect of Grampa Joe's reign of terror was mentioned but never questioned thoughout your expose'. In the older movie version how does Grampa Joe get the Wonka bar that her shares with Charlie? This is, in fact, only one of two very subtle hints to a much deeper evil. The other hint occurs when Charlies boss pays Charlie and says "Say hi to your Grampa Joe". Now these things can be easily overlooked, but I believe that there is a network of sinister child molestors running rampant in the village that oh so conveniently remains anonymis throughout all three portrails. Even as a young man seeing this movie in the theatre I remember my immediate distrust of Bill in the candy shop. Look at him the next time you watch the movie, the way he eyes all the children as here appears to be giving away his invetory to them. He doesn't smile, he lears and oogles. It's the creepiest thing ever captured on film, really. Forget anything you saw in the gunshop in Pulp Fiction. The only thing that even closely rivals is the land where all the children are locked up in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I think this network needs more examination, I need your help, this may go all the way to the top, Mr. Willy Wonka himself! One must admit that there is a certain amount of respect that Grampa Joe shows Wonka where he shows absolute disregard for everyone else he comes in contact with. And besides, do you think that Johnny Depp would play this character with such a heavy Michael Jackson influence just for a laugh. NO! Johnny figured it out and is trying to tell us! I know what you're thinking now, How does Charlie's boss sending salutations to Grampa Joe implicate him in this ring of evil? Well, think about it, first off, under normal circumstance this man has probably not seen Grampa Joe in twenty years and on the day of Charlies first paycheck he is somehow reminded of the existence of Charlie's Grampa Joe. No, Charlie's boss is sending a message to Grampa Joe, some code that I have yet to crack and I'm sure this is not the first message he has sent through the unsuspecting Charlie and probably Charlie's mother as well!
People, it's time to open your eyes! These men, Grampa Joe, Bill, Charlie's Boss, Charlie's teacher (though I don't have any evidence he just looks creepy to me) and Willy Wonka have been running the biggest child sex slave ring in history! The whole "contest" was a cover to throw the authorities off the scent as well as eliminate some who may have been getting a little to close to the truth. Oh yes, each one of those "winners" had some sort of connection to this. Mrs. Gloop is a nurse in a plastic surgeons office (This connection will be revealed shortly). Sam Beauregard ("Remember folks, a vote for Sam B. is a guarantee") a senator on the commitee investigating child porn rings. Mr. Salt, wealthy industrialist, whose own philandering ways with his all female crews has fed the Wonka Sex Ring illegitimate children for years. And Mrs. Teavee, a teacher of geography, has been leading her own investigations after the mysterious disappearance of two of her own students. Yes, each one of these people were connected and therefore their children were invited to the factory and then permanatly maimed as a reminder to their parents to either mind their own business or keep their mouths shut.
What does a German plastic surgeons nurse have in connection with an illegal sex ring? Well, after the abducted children reach an age as to become of no interest to our villians they are sent to a German village where a certain sinister plastic surgeon performs altering surgeries that dwarf and pigment the skin. Oh yes, your worse fears are being realized, there are no such things as Oompah Loompahs our Loompah Land (Mrs. Teavee was right!) The Oompah Loompahs are children! Labotomized by years of abuse and then grotesquely disfigured by surgery and forced into back breaking labor and experimentation. Wonka never hesitates to test his new inventions on his work force. Another thing to take note of is that the village in Germany where these illegal surguries are performed is also the same village where the children are imprisoned depicted in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Coincidence? I think not.
My name is Oslo Sluggworth, I have been working deep undercover within the Wonka Industry since the late 1960's. My cover has been critically compromised which is why I choose now to reveal my identity. My life is in grave danger, please take the information I have given you and tell anyone who will listen, you may be me only hope.
- Monica (December 31, 2005 6:22:05 pm)
- I believe the new movie is WAY better than the old. It's more humorous and just overall is a the better of the two. And yes, Grandpa Joe DID always seem a bit..... strange.
- Anonymous (December 24, 2005 7:05:02 am)
- Hahaha! *this is a joke, right? please let it be a joke..*
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